Complacency

There have been a lot of things I’ve been called over the years, and an equal if not greater amount of things I’ve never been called; complacent falls into the latter. I have always been outspoken and passionate about things, so perhaps it is a bit odd that I have been so quiet and, dare say, timid of late (in certain, but not all, situations). I don’t think my nature has changed; I think I still carry the same amount of drive and brazenness – but my willingness to share that with anyone and everyone unfiltered has altered somewhat. Am I afraid or concerned about what others think? Not usually. I’m comfortable with being different, and I like who I am most of the time… but most people don’t want to share ideas or think about things in new ways, they don’t want to try to understand things; they just want to stagnate in a sea of me-toos, and look only at the surface of the waters in front of them. It’s not something that I’ll ever accept, but it’s not something I’ll change either, so I work around it, not against it like I used to.

I love seeing different vantage points. I don’t take actions at face value; I try to figure out their root cause. And while I am incredibly observant and can see details that no one else does, in many ways I am constantly oblivious to my environment(s) (it’s best to whack me upside the head with what seems to be obvious, because I won’t get it otherwise). I enjoy discovering the paths of logic that others use to form their opinions or beliefs – I frequently annoy people with my devil’s advocate approach to discussion, but I have yet to learn a better method to see the cause behind the effect. I’m always trying to find one, though. I also get criticized incessantly for my constant use of analogies. Not sure what to do about that one. Removing that veil of metaphor would force me to reduce myself to stating things that would be misunderstood as my beliefs and feelings, rather than abstractions to seek knowledge. And if I’m speaking in metaphors, then chances are it’s because I am looking for insight, not because someone has actually asked me how I feel or what I think (or have merely done so to be polite and civilized, not because they actually care about such things).

And I go off on a lot of tangents… which has gone from deliberate action to habit. It is what it is.

I bring this up now as I think it’s necessary to set the tone for what this blog will be moving forward. As was mentioned before, it’s not a mirror into my soul. It may seem very complacent, but that doesn’t reflect on the author – have I grown complacent? Fuck no.

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